Knuckle Children

Masturbation is gay and here's my theory why: for males, to masturbate yourself is to grip your penis and furiously pull it up and down until you ejaculate. A sexual act very reminicent of what is called a "handjob". Between a man and a woman, a handjob is a simple sexual act to be shared between the two lovers. Why is this considered a loving act you say?...uh...I don't know...why are hands great substitutes for vaginas? There are some questions that should remain unanswered.
A handjob shared between a man and a man is oobviously an act shared between two homosexual lovers...or a forlorn drunk guy with ten bucks and a male prostitute. And as you can see, in technical terms, masturbation is a self hanjob. A handjob given to a male from (you guessed it) a male. So by choking your chicken, you're technically performing a homosexual act by giving a guy a handjob. Sure you're probably thinking of some sexy lady or raping holloywood's biggest A-list celeb...or not...but that doesn't change the fact that you are jerking off a penis. Hence, homosexual act. Hence, gay!
Every guy whose comfortable with his sexuality will disregard this and be comfortable knowing he's definitely not a homosexual and be able to continue on with his life without worrying how other's percieve his orientation. Then again there are those of you who'll read this and think "NO! I'm the manliest man's man and I'm NOT gay! Im going to stop masturbating." And if you think like that, then maybe you are gay and just hiding it. When you know you're not gay, you have nothing to prove. And if you are gay, then once again, you have nothing to prove. But if you're going off about how "Not gay" you are or how "queer" doing whatever activity is...then you may be hiding something from us buddy.

So next time you think you're too masculine to do or think something that you might fear others will percieve as gay, think to yourself, "Do I masturbate?" then read this blog again.