Placenta In My Eyes

I've been lazy for awhile. I haven't come to any real conclusions for anything over time. I find writing to be very therapeutic, which is probably why things don't seem right. I haven't payed any attention to anything going wrong around me as of recently to focus on others. I've been trying to fix the problems of those who need it, though I find it more and more frustrating to do. Like talking to a deaf mute, everyone ignores me and refuses to tell me anything useful. I found no point in helping anymore.
After a while, I've lost sight of my own problems. Maybe it's a good thing, then again maybe I should have had some closure with them. But they're the same problems as before. And that's just the thing: Nothing's going on. I've lost touch with all but a handful of friends. Stories go unwritten, movies go unfilmed, and songs go unrecorded. Things I would do with others go undone. I used to have an arsenal of people on hand to help me through any endevor. Now I can count them on one hand. Without anyone around, nothing is exciting anymore. I'm bored and I can't change that.
It's saddening to know that old flames refuse to ignite and new wicks don't burn so easily.
I'm in desperate need for a change. I need it.
Walking up on a down escalator gets tiresome after a while. Things are nice now, but they can get better. It took me awhile to learn this, and I hope to teach this to others.
There can be easier solutions than the ones I've been choosing, but I refuse hand me downs. My pilgrimage is my own. I don't want anyone telling me which direction to go. I want a new path to walk on. By taking in anyone's words, I know I'll walk with feet I've seen too many times before. I feel a strange, simoultaneous sense of vindication and defeat. But I'm willing to start anew without any regrets. I want to paint a painting without numbers and without someone else's work already began. I want a brand new canvas to paint on. I want to create a master piece of my own without anyone telling me what colors to use.

I want it to be perfect.