Tuesdays With Marcus

I got up this morning and, like always, I didn't want to get up. Although, today more than usual. After all of my years of schooling, I always thought that the most disheartening thing in the world is hearing that alarm clock blasting away at my eardrums, completely destroying them in an attempt to wake me from my most peaceful slumber. The second I awake from hearing that alarm go off, I automatically know that the day ahead of me will not be a relaxing one.
When you hear that alarm, you instantaneously know that you were driven out of your euphoric dreams in order to perform an incredibly displeasing task for the day [work, school, picking/dropping someone off...we all hate these come the morning].

Today I heard that alarm clock knowing I had another ritualistic Tuesday morning ahead of me: Get my "less than 8" hours of sleep, wake up with absolutely no time to groom myself, I leave the house unheard and without notice from my parents, I race to the nearest bus stop and get on the first orange/white monster that races my way at 10 miles per hour.

As of late, I've had to deal with an apparent schedule change within the metro system. Nowadays, even my best efforts to make it out of the house before the stroke of six can't help me make the bus on time. I may make the first bus, but die to the changes, by the time I get to Lakewood/Firestone, that second bus has already taken off. Soon there after I'm left with the 30-40 minute wait for the next bus that I've become so accustomed to. Every week for close to two months, I've managed to rush out of the house only to have to wait as long as the average tardy person. I'll wait for the bus and slowly lose my temper which is something I NEVER do. I have no tim efor anything because I fear That I will not make it on time. Between the time I leave the house and the time I get there, there is nothing but worry, stress, and unrelenting fear. I hate Tuesdays with a passion.

I woke up today not caring.

It didn't matter whether I was late or not today. It's close to the end of the mester, and the teachers have all stopped caring. I didn't rush out today. When I woke up I sat at the side of my bed for five minutes contemplating whether or not I should even leave my room. When I finally went into the bathroom to brush my teeth, I decided to at least run my hand through my hair so that it at least appears "Not" slept-on. After that I turned the water and just stared at my ever-glassy eyes in the mirror for a few minutes. I looked at my blood-red eyes and wondered why I was punishing myself so much with this mundane and excruciatingly painful routine. I didn't deserve it. I don't deserve it.

Today, as I left the house, I stopped to throw the morning paper inside the house. I walked at a much slower pace (granted, I sped up because the cold air was REALLY starting to get to me). As I waited at Firestone/Otis, I didn't even notice that the bus was about a minute late. Normally I would be furious over a single second...but no. I was just standing there, listening to the Mars Volta, not a care in the world. After a while, I had forgotten what I was even waiting for. It didn't matter. Unlike other times when I would wait at the "In N Out" and slowly lose my temper at the bus that wouldn't come for another 25 minutes, I didn't even bother looking at my watch. I didn't even notice that the bus came five minutes earlier. The ride to Lakewood took even less time than it normally would. After awhile, I had even forgotten about why I was even on a bus. Normally when I get there I would only have a few minutes before my art history class would start.
Today I was a full hour and fifteen minutes early.

I may have deviated from my opening "alarm clock" theme, but I feel as though I have vented my frustrations to the point where I can finally perform a sigh of relief. Mmmmm....haven't had one of those in years. I once heard a saying in a movie (It was "Fight Club" by the way) that was rather lugubrious when I first read it, but now it makes so much sense:

Losing all hope is freedom.